"This meeting will now come to order." Steve's brain lazily tapped the gavel on the desk. Sluggish before the electric buzz of the morning's caffeine, Steve's brain peered out over the gathering before it and collected it's thoughts.
"As I'm sure many of us are aware, 'we' ingested an entire carne asada super burrito and a 32oz. Mountain Dew at 2:36am this morning." All eyes shifted to Steve's stomach who shrunk back into it's seat. "We've been over this. As of January 1st, a resolution was unanimously passed to curb this sort of reckless behavior."
"Seriously you guys, I'm working double shifts on the booze already. I don't know how long I can keep this up," Steve's liver wheezed from the back of the room.
"It's cool with us! We love a challenge!" Steve's kidneys piped up in unison.
Steve's brain rubbed it's frontal cortex slowly. "Look, no one here understands temptation more than I do, but this has to be a give and take. Yes, I make the final decisions but if we're really going to make any progress we're going to have to work as a team..."
"Excuse me! I'm sorry to interrupt but may I..."
"No, bladder, you'll just have to wait."
"But I think it's an emergency!"
Steve's brain sighed. It was _always_ an "emergency". "Steve isn't a child, nor is he still an active fraternity brother. He is an adult. You will wait."
"Fine!" Steve's bladder scowled and looked off into the distance.
Steve's brain waited a beat. "Now, to new business. Today we have work, as usual, but this evening we're scheduled for a date with..." Steve's brain shuffled a small pile of papers around on the desk in front of him, "Samantha." A hushed murmur fell over the gathering. "According to her profile, she's a 26 year old pediatric nurse. Brunette, green eyes, loves 'to have a good time.'"
"Well all right, all right," Steve's testicles smirked and shot Steve's prostate gland a knowing look.
"Settle down you knuckle-heads. This is Steve's first date in over two months, so we're all going to be on high alert today. Intestines, do you think you'll be able to deal with this morning's transgression before 7pm?"
Steve's small intestine, coiled around itself and took a quick inventory, "I give it an 80% chance, boss."
"Colon, as it standard procedure, you're going to be on lock down for the majority of the evening."
Steve's colon puckered, "Aye sir, I've been briefed on my duties and will be sending reports at regular intervals to maintain compliance."
"Great. I think we all know from previous experience, these things can go either way. I'll be taking lead and I'm going to ask, please, for minimal chatter from bellow deck."
"Look man, we do what we do. Steve's a beast who can't be tamed!" Steve's testicles high-fived and began to dance in their seats.
"That's all well and good, men, but if you want to actually have a chance to do 'what you do,' I'm going to need you to let me do what I do and pave the way."
"Whatever, bro. If it was up to you we'd be, like, in a library all day reading books 'n' shit, talkin' about feelings" Steve's right testicle said with a defiant duck-face.
"And if it was up to you two dim-wits, we'd spend all day doing Brazilian Jujitsu talking about supplement stacks."
"Whatever, bro."
"Yeah bro, whatever," Steve's left testicle, which sat slightly lower than his brother, said in solidarity.
Steve's brain wandered off for a moment and fantasied about a time, perhaps in Steve's 60's, when he wouldn't have to have this conversation anymore.
"You'll all have further instructions sent to you as the day progresses. With any luck, things will proceed as scheduled and we won't have to deal with any surprises. If we're all through here, I'll begin the Wake Up Protocol."
As Steve's brain reached for the gavel, the meeting room door burst open. In it stood Steve's tonsils hunched forward. The group turned and saw the inflamed tissue, the small white nodules specked across his reddened, slimy folds, and collectively they groaned.